The heartbreak that time doesn’t heal

My sister’s birthday passed last week without my thinking about it. She got her wish. I was the last one in the family still trying to keep the door open after sheMission Impossible walked out of it.

I bring up the subject because summertime is family reunion time – time to haul out the usual petty BS about relatives. It’s pretty easy to sort out the gossipy aunt, the rude brother-in-law, the cousin who spills too much personal information. Then there is adult sibling jealousy, a one-sided condition that leaves its victims baffled. It’s basically the jealous sibling’s self-imposed retribution for her own feeling that she was short-changed by parental comparisons and expectations while growing up.

My sister has adult sibling jealousy. The name sounds like a condition for grade-schoolers, but it’s not. It’s also not as simple as a family feud. In a family feud, both sides can kiss and make up. With adult sibling jealousy, that will never happen unless the jealous one overcomes her feelings. It’s estimated that 45 percent of adults have a jealous relationship with a sibling, and that it’s often one-sided. In fact, the brothers and sisters who are victims of this abuse may be stunned by it, never realizing it exists. I was.

I’m not going to haul all the skeletons out of a walk-in closet, but I do want to give you a couple of early examples. It took a long time to figure out More

How many Andrés Cantores does the World Cup need?

Oh, Dios mío, I thought, I had better call 911. A neighbor across the main road was hollering in distress. I couldn’t quite make out what he was hollering, until he

freedigitalphotos.net

freedigitalphotos.net

yelled a prolonged “GOOOOOOOOOOL! GOOOOOOOOOOL! GOOOOOOOOOOL!”

Oh, my God, I thought, I’m glad I didn’t call 911. Obviously, the only emergency was that the United States was ahead in its World Cup match, and I happened to be living only the length of five fútbol fields away from an  Andrés Cantor impersonator.

Even if you don’t know the name Andrés Cantor, you know the sound. He’s the Argentina-born, California-raised soccer announcer on Telemundo (formerly on Univision) who goes basically batshit crazy over goals. English-language TV stations run video of his famous “GOOOOOOOOOOL!” for comic relief; in fact, he appeared on “The Simpsons.” He’s not really an old yeller; he’s a much-beloved fixture of televised soccer games – much so that GEICO and Volkswagen used him and his “GOOOOOOOOOOL!” More

You know you’re a grown-up when …

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© Марина Панюкова

I ran across some pearls of wisdom while cleaning out the “Documents” file on my computer. Heaven knows how old they are, what precipitated them or when I started collecting them, but they are mine.

Today I offer them to you for whatever value you may take from them.

  • Child-rearing techniques, such as correcting others’ behavior, rarely succeed with adults. (Here’s an example: When I passed through Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix on the way to my dad’s funeral, a little girl plowed right into my legs as I entered a ladies’ room. “I’m sorry,” the girl said. In my brain-fog, I just looked at her, silent. The mother snapped, “She said she’s sorry!” I replied, “My dad just died, and I’m sorry, too.” Obviously, I didn’t give the correct reply; she gave me a dirty look and stalked off.)
  • Whining makes adults seem childish. The better grown-up alternative is finding solutions to problems and applying them.
  • People are far more likely to overlook or to be unaware of your needs than to mistreat you intentionally.
  • Quit applying your personal expectations to others. Instead, actively create the opportunity for them to give you what you need. If they don’t bite, at least you tried.
  • There are times to complain publicly and times to complain privately.
  • Others’ behavior usually is not about you.
  • Work on outgrowing the need to seek validation for every little thing you consider to be a success; we sought our parents’ validation as children, but as adults we know, expect and accept our own capabilities.
  • Assumptions are the worst thing you can do to yourself.
  • Before passing judgment, consider that you truly have no idea where the other person is on life’s path.

Let’s trade: What pearls of wisdom guide you in your life? (To comment, please click on “Leave a comment” under the date next to the headline.)

 

 

 

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November 2020
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