Red, white and blue all over

Don’t ask me who won the California primary elections Tuesday. I’m on only my first cup of coffee.

Yesterday, politics was none of my business. I was a first-time election clerk, sworn Election worker-1 to uphold the Constitutions of the United States and California, bound by law to keep ballots secret and safe and bound by rule not to discuss candidates, political parties, surveys or any of the other topics that fuel front-porch bickering as the big day nears.

I was one of a staff of five, each with specific duties. If you voted on the mountain, it could have been me who set up your voting booth at 6 a.m., who tore the ballot off the ballot pad and wrapped it in a privacy sleeve for you, then helped to secure the voting materials after 8 p.m., when polling places closed.

It’s a small mountain: Stick around long enough, and you realize that everybody knows half of everybody else. Yesterday, we had to be reminded that it wasn’t enough to recognize the person coming through the door; voters officially have to state their first and last names and their street addresses before voting. One of the county’s official poll observers scribbled furiously on a clipboard whenever that was followed by things like “How’s your mom doing?” and “I heard your More

The underground war

If there were money in herding voles, I’d be wealthy. Instead, I’m developing a poor attitude toward these little varmints that pull entire gardens into their underground domain and chew them like salad. Eviction notice for voles

My stand of gorgeous red hollyhocks, which grew thick enough to be a summertime landmark for more than 25 years, is down to a single remaining hock. Voles, not gophers or moles, are definitely the culprits. Twice now, a vole has poked its whisker-fringed rat-like head out of a hole in the ground near a hollyhock root, popping back down after glimpsing me with its beady eyes. Then it popped back out, in, out, in as if we were playing Whack-a-Vole.

In fact, my next-door neighbor confessed last week that she did play Whack-a-Vole of a sort with one in her yard. Cayenne didn’t stop it, and garlic didn’t scare it. It turned up its twitchy little nose at Juicy Fruit Gum. Frustrated, my neighbor took a shovel and – oh, yes, she did. When she peeled back the earth, the critter was really most sincerely dead. For all she knows, the whole vole posse will arrive any minute to avenge the crime. More

Off the grid and onto the clothesline

One morning, it hit me like a bolt as I stood in the laundromat, a window-cleaning squeegee in one hand and a spray bottle in the other: Why had I poured years of hard-earned quarters and elbow grease into patronizing dirty places that were supposed to produce clean clothes? There had to be a better way — and there is.

c. tiloligo

c. tiloligo

I can’t own a washer because my home’s drain field is too small and the rock walls make it too difficult to direct gray water to plants without setting up a mess of rain barrels, tubes and pumps. The laundromat seemed to be the only choice – until the Breathing Mobile Washer came into my life. I saw it first on an Alaska wilderness show on cable TV, then found it on websites selling items to people living off the grid. It looks like an oddball toilet plunger, a hard plastic cone on a stick. It paid for itself in a month.

I use my new washer with soap, not laundry detergent. Soap rinses out cleanly. Recipes abound online for laundry soap – basically finely grated Castile bar soap combined with washing soda and borax. As a newbie, I bought it ready-made.

The procedure goes like this: More

Tenting on the old glamp ground

Anne dug the tip of her knife into the wedge of brie, then buttered the cheese onto her fruit-filled “rainforest” cracker. Waves crashed below the bluff on which our room-size tent perched, the golden afternoon light spilling across the campsite.

“Let’s carry in a good fish supper,” she said. “We can get it in town.” Preferably something that went well with Prosecco. Melt-in-your-mouth John Dory, perhaps?

We could and we did forgo campfire beanie-weenies. We were do-it-yourself glampers on a seaside glamp-out. Neither of us had ever gone glamping – glamour camping – but it felt like the right time to try. The semester was done: no more keyboards, no more books, no more students’ dirty looks. We wanted to celebrate.

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San Clemente traffic jam (c. Holly Ocasio Rizzo)

I’ve known Anne for years. We’re both former newspaper people, now independent business people who teach on the side at the same college. She’s in the legal field and I, writing and editing. We knew a lot of the same people before we knew each other. I’ve never known her to camp. Neither has anybody else. Camping to her is checking into a hotel that doesn’t have any little bars of soap. To me, it’s finding a flat spot to pitch a tent far from civilization and securing your food in an anti-bear barrel.

But I snagged the perfect campsite in a civilized campground in South Orange County, and I asked her to share the perfection with me: surf, sand and sunshine with cool pelicans and cute lifeguards for scenery. What else?, she asked. Hot showers, I said – it has hot showers. And flush toilets. I could throw in a pretty mat and a side table for the tent, glitter nail polish, tropical-scent sugar scrub, floral temporary tattoos, an inverter in the Jeep for running her computer and a new cooler guaranteed to make ice last for three days, so we’d have a good place to keep our makeup from melting.

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Beachside fleurs (c. Holly Ocasio Rizzo)

She said OK.

Anne must have studied camping. She traveled light. Instead of an inflatable bed, she brought a chaise longue pad; instead of a notebook computer, she used her iPhone to check email for her business and to help her husband navigate caring for a cat with a cold, packing for his trip to Hawaii and arranging a niece’s semi-annual beaches-and-Disneyland trek to Southern California.

If I hadn’t known she wasn’t a camper, I never would have guessed it. She never complained about the ants, and only a little about the goofballs who decided to sing “Sky Pilot” at the edge of the bluff at 2:30 a.m.  She didn’t wig out over a visit from three skunks More

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